Golf Pet Peeve #9: Cell Phone Guy

Sometimes, golf etiquette seems so obvious that I wonder how people miss it in the first place.

Such is the case with cell phones on the golf course.

When Cell Phone Guy isn't looking, throw his phone in the lake. (Image: Explosion 5000/Flickr)

In my opinion, cell phones are welcome on the course—with a few seemingly obvious stipulations: only use them in between shots, preferably whilst driving the cart, and never within 100 yards of your fellow player. Yes, 100 yards.

This past summer, I was playing in a tournament at my local course. One of my playing partners answered a call, on the tee box,  as I was stepping up to my shot on a 205 yard par 3.

Not only was his phone on, it was also turned up, it rang three times to the tune of some god awful 80s pop song, he answered the call, and proceeded to talk, rather boisterously, while I attempted to prepare for my shot.

I waited on him for another minute to finish the call. In a tournament. Seriously. This guy wasn’t even a new player; he was a solid golfer. Isn’t this basic golf etiquette 101?

Cell Phone Guy needs to realize this: Most people go the golf course to get away for a few hours from the distractions and stresses of life. A round of golf is a mini-vacation of sorts. The golf course is a resort, a bastion of peacefulness and solitude, though only temporary.

The last thing in the world we (and by “we” I mean golfers everywhere) want to hear is a playing partner “whispering” on his phone about his girlfriend issues, his crappy stocks, or the milk and bread run his wife wants him to make after the round. Please, spare us.

If things in your life are so hectic that you can’t place that cell phone on silent, that you can’t return that call in three minutes when your fellow golfers have already played their shots, then maybe golf isn’t your game, my friend.

Give bocce ball or lawn darts a try. They take much less time and obnoxiously loud phone calls are welcome.

 

More Props to Armchair Golfer

Armchair Golf is currently featuring another edition of my Golf Pet Peeves series.

Go over to Armchair Golf and refresh your memory of The Golf Channel Guy.

Golf Pet Peeve #9 to come here on the blog later this week.

 

PGA Tour Not Changing Fed Ex Cup Playoffs in 2010

The PGA Tour’s version of the crappy BCS will not be changing in 2010.

Awesome!

I always have  a blast getting out the calculator during the Tour Championship to find out how many decimal points a missed four-foot putt will cost Phil Mickelson.

This is the first time since 2006 that the Tour hasn’t changed the points system. Apparently, the decision-makers didn’t even discuss changing the system at their board meetings this week.

The point system actually worked in 2009, but it still sucks. It’s an uninteresting way to end the season during a time in which the Tour is competing against the NFL and the MLB for viewers.

I’ll say it for the 9,000th time. The Fed Ex Cup needs a match play format.

 

2009 Q School Underway

The first stage of PGA Tour Q School wrapped up last week.

Former world number one David Duval will head back to the final stage of Q School next month. (Image: requiemjp/Flickr)

Ty Tryon was one of the familiar names who advanced on to second stage, which will take place on November 18-21. The final stage of Qualifying School is scheduled for December 2-7 at Bear Lakes Country Club. David Duval is probably the most recognizable name on this year’s list of final stage participants.

In my opinion, Q School is one of the most trying events in professional sports. Guys who somehow manage to work their way through all three stages amaze me. Some top quality players, such as my friend Bryant Odom (whom I profiled last year) never make it through all three stages. It’s just that difficult. And though it’s becoming more and more common for players to earn their way on to the PGA Tour via the Nationwide Tour, Q School should always be a gateway to the Tour, as well.

If you can handle the pressure of Q School, you can handle the pressure of a Tour event. Congratulations  to all the first stage qualifers.

 

Remembering Payne Stewart

Sunday was the 10^th anniversary of Payne Stewart’s tragic death.

I still remember where I was when I heard about Stewart being on the missing flight. At that time, I was a courier for a law firm in Atlanta, so I traveled all over the ATL delivering packages to courthouses, law firms and such.

One of my favorite driving pastimes was—and still is—listening to sports talk radio. I was listening to Atlanta’s 790 The Zone when Chris Dimino and Nick Cellini broke the news that air control had lost communication with Payne Stewart’s private plane.

Hours later, the world learned that Payne Stewart died in that tragic flight.

In the decade since Payne’s death, many in the golf world have told countless stories of his life. The PGA Tour awards “The Payne Stewart Award” each year to a player who loves golf, life, and gives back to the community like Stewart did. Pinehurst has since unveiled a life-like statue of Stewart’s unforgettable fist pump after sinking the winning putt at the 1999 U.S. Open.

In a sport where golfers drift in and out of the national scene—basking in the spotlight for the duration of one tournament, only to be forgotten about for years—Stewart’s life and legacy still impacts the golf culture a decade after his death.

If only we all would make it our goal to be remembered like Payne Stewart.

 

Golf Pet Peeve #8: The Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker

First off, I love golf course maintenance workers.

Much like cart guys, these fellows are the unsung heroes of the course. They are up at 5 a.m.—cutting grass, raking bunkers, trimming bushes, and repairing the hardly noticeable moose knuckle-sized divots on your greens.

Golf course maintenance workers are a dedicated bunch.

A rare photo of the much-preferred unobtrusive golf course maintenance worker. (Image: CappiT/Flickr)

But there is a breed of maintenance worker unlike any other. If you’ve played golf for any length of time, you’ve had an experience with the Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker. One word describes this man: oblivious.

Usually, you’ll see him puttering down the cart path in the maintenance cart, rapidly approaching as you try to hit your tee shot. Or maybe he’s overagressively raking a bunker as you try to focus on a five-foot putt. Then there’s always the guy who seemingly stalks you for three or four holes, somehow managing to get in your line of sight before every shot.

Things get worse when Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers travel together. One of them is annoying, but a group of them together on one hole can be distracting, at best, and unbearable, at worst.

In each group of Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers, there’s an alpha-male. He’s the guy telling the inappropriate jokes as you line up your putt. He’s also the guy who speeds past you in the fairway as you go through your pre-shot routine. The golf course is his domain, and no golfer will get in his way.

Avoid the alpha-male at all costs.

Sometimes, Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers don’t listen to golfers.

Many years ago, my friend Mike (the same Mike from Chicken Soup for the Soul fame) and I were playing at our home course. After poking our drives on the first hole down the center of the fairway, Mike and I lined up our approaches.

But there was a problem. A group of maintenance workers—soon to be discovered as intrusive—had gathered on the fringe and were digging a hole to work on some irrigation issues.

We waited on them briefly, then gave them a courtesy yell that we were playing up. They waved at us and told us to come through. But they never moved.

I struck my 6 iron well, slightly pulled. And, like a politician runs to a camera, my golf ball barreled through the air directly towards this group of maintenance workers. I yelled “fore!” loudly, frustrated that these guys never moved off the fringe.

My ball struck one of the maintenance workers in the head. He sat down. His head began to bleed. Stitches were later required.

What do you say at this point? They knew we were hitting. We yelled “fore!” They watched us the entire time. But, for some reason, the intrusive maintenance workers never strayed away from the fringe and stood like statues after my boisterous warning.

I never felt to blame for the incident. But, in the weeks to follow, I received quite a few glares from my head-shot victim. He was okay. Eventually, the stitches came off.

So, here’s a fair warning to Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers everywhere: Get out of our way and we won’t hit you in the head with our golf ball.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

 

Did The Tour Play This Past Weekend?

Seriously, who won?

Okay, I’ll google it and find out.

This guy is Martin Laird. (Image: rjdudley/Flickr)

Ah, yes, I see that Martin Laird won Justin Timberlake’s tournament, picking up his first victory and earning a two-year exemption to the Tour.

Nicely done.

That’s the cool thing about these fall tournaments. The guys who are struggling have the opportunity to come out of nowhere and pick up a win against usually weaker fields.

How cool must it be to have your life change over the course of four days? Forget about Q School. Forget about Nationwide. Welcome to the big time, Martin Laird.

As you’ve guessed, I did not watch a single shot from this weekend’s tournament. To be honest, I generally struggle with maintaining interest in watching golf on television during this time of the year. Too much football.

Thank you Georgia for a win against Vanderbilt. Thank you Atlanta Falcons for a national television win over Chicago last night. Oh, Atlanta Falcons, how I wish your defensive coordinator, Brian VanGorder, could freelance for his former employer Mark Richt.

But this is a golf blog. So I need to talk golf, even this time of year. Expect Golf Pet Peeve #8 to appear later this week. If we have anything during golf’s off-season, it’s year-round pet peeves.

I have quite a few pet peeves to write during the dead season of golf. Either that or more running stories, and—this being a golf blog and all—I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my upcoming marathon training. Nah.

 

Golf Pet Peeves Go Global

Armchair Golf is picking up my golf pet peeves series. Pretty cool.

Of course, all of the new ones will appear here first. But Armchair Golf will be publishing some of the older ones I have already published here. The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer was published yesterday.

I’ll be posting Golf Pet Peeve #8 here at Game Under Repair sometime in the next week.

Here’s a quick rundown of past golf pet peeves:

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

 

Man Loses Arm After Gator Attack

We’ve all had bad days on the golf course.

Maybe a case of the yips, the duck hooks, or a slow foursome in front.

Image: William A Franklin/Flickr

But a 70-year-old gentleman in Beaufort, South Carolina had a really bad day last week. While trying to retrieve his golf ball from a pond, an alligator pulled the man into the water and ripped off his arm in the ensuing struggle.

The man’s playing partners were able to free him from the gator. He was rushed to a hospital where doctors hoped to reattach his arm on Friday.

After multiple attempts to get updates on this story, I’ve been unable to find out if the doctors were successful and the gentleman is currently fairing.

This story is just a reminder that golf courses are a part of nature…and in these environments exist wild animals–and reptiles–that may not be too friendly. Watch where you step.

Read more here.

 

Golf in 2016 Olympics?

Back to golf.

On Friday, the International Olympic Committee will announce whether or not golf will become an Olympic sport in the 2016 Games in Brazil.

Brazilians expected to party for weeks if golf is included in the 2016 games. (Image: Pan American News/Flickr)

Basically, IOC voting members need to believe that golf’s top players will compete in the Olympics. These guys won’t approve golf if they believe the Olympics will be second fiddle to The Masters or British Open.

Tiger Woods and Padraig Harrington have already committed to playing—assuming neither is retired in 9 years.

Under the current proposal, 60 golfers would compete in the men’s and women’s tournaments. The top 15 in the world would automatically qualify. Just sounds like another tournament to me. Why not make this match play. I loves me some match play.

Apparently, there’s also an argument out there that the game is too “elitist” to be included in the Summer Olympics. Hogwash, I say. If the Olympics don’t mind including the equestrian—complete with athletes in top hats and fancy pants—then I think golf is the furthest thing from “elitist.”

Golf is an extremely accessible sport, and that should not stop it from being included in the 2016 Games. If Tiger’s in, why not?