Golf Pet Peeve #12: The Wannabe Golf Instructor

Right off the club, you know it’s going to be a bad shot.

The ball starts left, continues hooking left, and disappears into the thick woods 15 yards left of the fairway. You’re frustrated, maybe even a little pissed. This hook has been driving you crazy.

Wannabe Golf Instructors take headshots of themselves. (Image: unfoo/Flickr)

As you reach down to pick up your tee, you hear a voice behind you: “Know what you did wrong there, don’t you? Your stance is too narrow, and you’re not keeping your head down. And that grip of yours. Look at that grip.”

Huh? Yes, welcome to Golf Pet Peeve #12: The Wannabe Golf Instructor.

I think there’s two unwritten rules in golf instruction: First, never give unsolicited advice. Second, never EVER give unsolicited advice to a better golfer.

But the Wannabe Golf Instructor scoffs at such unwritten rules. The Wannabe Golf Instructor knows just enough about golf to make him dangerous.

His own golf swing has more flaws than Tim Tebow’s throwing motion, but he watches The Golf Channel religiously, making him the self-appointed mouthpiece of all things related to golf  swing instruction. He’s a close relative to the The Golf Channel Guy.

He has a library of Hank Haney, Butch Harmon, and David Leadbetter instructional videos. His swing is mechanical and slow. His scores suck. He putts like a bull in a china store. And, yeah, that probably doesn’t make much sense.

The Wannabe Golf Instructor has zero self-awareness. None. The Wannabe Golf Instructor offers unsolicited golf instruction at every opportunity. Even though he averages a 98, he will freely offers poor advice to a 10 handicap on the driving range. He will sit in the bar and analyze Ernie Els’ shoulder turn and Justin Leonard’s putting stroke.

You’ll nod your head and act like your listening. That is, until he tells breaks down your swing after that nasty hook on the 4th hole. Then, you might just have to tell The Wannabe Golf Instructor to shut up. Good luck with that.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves:

#11: Golf Simulators

#10: Pre-Shot Routine Guy

#9: Cell Phone Guy

#8: The Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

 

Golf in Manhattan?

Your golfing options are limited in Times Square. (Image: Robert Bruce's iPhone)

So the wife and I just got back from a trip to New York City.

We did about everything we could possibly do in three-and-a-half days. It was the total tourist experience.

Two Broadway shows (Phantom of the Opera and Memphis), three incredible dinners (I would HIGHLY recommend Babbo, owned by Mario Batali of Iron Chef and Food Network Fame), the Empire State Building, NBC Tour, Double Decker tour through the whole city. The list could go on forever. But suffice to say that we were busy the whole time.

That said, for all the exciting things there are to do in Manhattan, I was struck by the lack of golf options. In fact, there aren’t any.

Yesterday, I googled “Golf in Manhattan” and found a course in Manhattan, Iowa and a lounge in New York City called “The Country Club.” Of course, there’s the occasional golf store, but golf just doesn’t exist on the island.

What a pain that must be for golfers. I’m just imagining the inconvenience of hopping on the subway (clubs in tow), PATH, or even driving to another course off the island.

When I lived in Atlanta, I think one of the main reasons I didn’t play much golf was because it was just a pain in the butt to fight traffic on a weeknight to play. Fourty-five minutes of traffic for 45 minutes of range practice just wasn’t worth it after a busy day at work.

So I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be a golfer in Manhattan. But I guess if you live in Manhattan, you have more important interests.

So what do you do if you want to play golf and you live in Manhattan?

 

Doping Pays Golf A Visit

Random photo of drug capsules in the shape of the American Flag to visually enhance this post. (Image: pappajohn1969/Flickr)

Back in the fall, I totally missed the story of a little known former Tour player, Doug Barron,  who was given a one-year suspension from the PGA Tour. Barron was the first person to violate the Tour’s anti-doping policy. Barron hasn’t played on the PGA Tour in three years. The ban kept him from participating in Q School last fall.

In response, Barron signed up for the eGolf Professional Tour last week. eGolf is a mini-tour based out of North Carolina. The leading money winner made $140,000 last year.

Barron tested positive for testosterone and propranolol, saying a doctor gave him approval to use the drugs for health reasons. He’s currently appealing the suspension.

The story isn’t that interesting, really. I know…so why post it on my blog? I think it raises a greater question. How prominent are steroids and performance-enhancing drugs in golf?

Look, golfers don’t deal with ongoing injury problems like baseball and football players. But if a quick pill can keep an ailing knee or a painful back from being so bothersome, or speed up the recovery process, then will pro golfers take the bait? And, if so, is the doping policy going to be effective enough to stop them?

I honestly don’t think a lot of golfers are doping. But we’ve got a whole new generation of kids coming up who watched one pro athlete after another get suspended or make the news for using steroids. Let’s hope they haven’t bought in.

 

How You Can Help Haiti

Please read this article I wrote at my day job. Find out a little bit about the people of Haiti and how you can help them recover after these tragic earthquakes.

And thanks for not getting mad at me for posting about Haiti on my golf blog. I know I’ve been known to get off topic every now and then. But who plays golf in January?

Here’s the article link.

 

Jack Nicklaus: The Game Will Survive

Image: MatthwJ/Flickr

During a press conference call yesterday, Jack Nicklaus spoke briefly about Tiger’s indefinite leave–and how Tiger’s absence will affect his quest to break the Bear’s record for wins in a major.

“If Tiger is going to pass my record, I think this is a big year for him in that regard. If he doesn’t play this year, obviously the chore is going to be a little tougher,” said Nicklaus.

With majors at Augusta, Pebble Beach, and St. Andrews–not to mention Whistling Straits–it’s hard to imagine Tiger will miss any of the majors this year. But there hasn’t been a peep out of the Woods’ camp since his late November accident that started this entire unfortunate situation.

Nicklaus says the game will survive Woods absence–and it will. But at this point in the history of professional golf, does it need to worry about “surviving.” Shouldn’t it be prospering to some degree–even without its greatest star?

Did anyone hear anything about the SBS Championship this past weekend? Geoff Ogilvy won again, by the way.

Golf is totally off the radar. Yes, when major season rolls around, the discussion will certainly pick up. But if Tiger isn’t back yet, the PGA Tour has problems.

 

Golf Pet Peeve #11: Golf Simulators

I have a theory about golf simulators. They are solely designed to sell golf clubs. They make the average Joe Golfer think he’s pounding the ball about 20 yards farther. Clubs sold.

For this golf pet peeve, I’ll take you back to the early days of my blog when I wrote about my experience with a golf simulator at a local golf store. Wanna hear it? Hear it go.

So I’m in the market for a driver.

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that I was going to demo the Nike Sumo. I pretty much don’t buy anything Nike, so this was quite a compromise—one of which I feel quite convicted about now. But that’s neither here nor there.

These machines lie. (Image: seikatsu/Flickr)

Anyway, so I’m on my lunch break at this Pro Golf store, and I decide to hit a few balls in their indoor golf simulator/video screen/driving range/ thing.

You’ve got understand my frame of reference here: when I quit playing golf ( and I know this is beginning to become a theme on the blog…”back when I was a young man…”) the Pro Golfs of the world had the little side room with the green net. You hit the ball and basically judged by feel how well you hit it.

So now, they’ve got these massive simulators. You swing, the ball flies into a screen, the projector then displays your ball flying through the “air”.

The device tells you how far the ball went, your trajectory, swing speed, ball speed, whether the ball had a hook, slice, fade, or draw. It stores each shot so you can see how your shot patterns develop throughout the session.

Well, here’s my opinion of these fancy little contraptions: crap. Crap, crap, crap. Let me explain. My second shot with said Nike driver was a nice heel job. With my ancient Great Big Bertha, it’s the type of shot that would probably be a low fade, 230 yards out in the fairway. I really mishit the ball.

But with this Pro Golf “simulator” I’m like Ernie Els hitting some kind of power draw 325 yards down the middle of the fairway. The pattern continued. When I hit the ball solid, it estimated my drives anywhere from 280-290; my misses were in the 270 range.

So I take the club out to an actual driving range. I hit the Nike, then my Bertha (which averages 255ish). Zero difference. The Nike actually ballooned on me a good bit, causing me to actually hit the Bertha further in many instances.

It was a stiff shaft, so that wasn’t the issue. Needless to say, I was thoroughly unimpressed. Thankfully, I made the wise decision of taking the club out on the range and not trusting those God-awful simulators.

I’m sure if you bought one for yourself, you could calibrate it to be accurate. But no doubt the issue is this: the golf stores are going to fix the devices so they estimate a good 20-30 yards farther.

Joe Hacker comes in, swings the hot new club, and he’s amazed by how much farther he hits the ball. He’s got “golf club fever” now, and he makes the buy. It’s a screw job on the store’s part.

When I asked the salesman if the simulators were accurate, he responded, “Dead on.” Right. I should have known something was up when I was hitting 190-yard six irons. But it took the experience with the driver for me to figure this out.

Don’t trust these machines. The grass and the air at your local driving range is much more honest.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves:

#10: Pre-Shot Routine Guy

#9: Cell Phone Guy

#8: The Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

 

Happy New Year From Game Under Repair

I’m on a brief posting hiatus during the holidays. Golfing frivolity will return next week, with more pet peeves and other scatter-brained meaningless posts about this maddening sport!

Happy New Year!

 

Giving Grace To Tiger Woods

This is the last post I’ll make about the Tiger Woods situation.

Image: victor.lund/Flickr

I stumbled upon this post today while visiting Pete Wilson’s (my pastor) blog, who linked to it.

A guy named Mike Foster from People of the Second Chance posted about Tiger’s scandal, and the media’s never-ending insatiable desire to tear down those it builds up.

I’ve written about my disgust with the nature of this coverage both here and here.

Anyway, I thought I’d re-post Mike’s thoughts here. Christmas is just a few days away, and this season always reminds me of the importance of grace. I like his fifth point the best.

Mike Foster writes:

1. You have so many words that you can share in a day. Decide whether they will be about blessing or cursing someone.

2. When someone is caught in a scandal, I visualize two buckets that I can fill. I can add to the “Shame Bucket” or the “Second Chance Bucket.” Sometimes my first/easy/fun/human nature response is to fill the “Shame Bucket” so I have to work harder not to do that.

3. For all you online peeps…write your articles, blogs, tweets, and comments as if the person in crisis (and their family) were reading it. Why? Because they do! And the jokes, snarky comments, sloppy facts and flippant remarks hurt people. Instead, devote your computer keyboard to the restoration of people.

4. Refuse to participate in the gossip session around the water cooler. Or better yet, jump in and turn the conversation towards grace and second chances. Btw, just plan on being called a “buzz kill” and not invited back to any more social functions.

5. Realize we are either part of the judgment problem or the grace solution. But we can’t be both. So choose wisely.

To read Mike’s entire post, visit his blog.

 

Cold Weather Golf

This does not look fun to me. (Image: BPPhotography/Flickr)

I’m not a fan of cold weather golf. Does anyone really enjoy it?

I was reminded of this fact on Saturday. The plan was to play nine holes with my father-in-law and two family friends on Saturday morning. After my morning run, in 24 degrees no less, I started figuring that golf might be unlikely. The high was supposed to be around 40 degrees.

Sure enough, when we got out to the course, the greens were still frozen and the wind was still whipping. The course was closed. Even if the course was open, who wants to play in that?

Other than the ocassional family outing, I pretty much avoid playing golf this time of year. Between November and March, I probably play twice. I find it painfully unpleasant. My shots travels shorter distances, my hands sting after every shot, and my scores generally suck.

Besides all of that, there’s just plenty of football to watch.

 

Tiger’s Nightmare Continues

Image: Keith Allison/Flickr

So Tiger’s gone.

He’s taking an indefinite leave from the game to hopefully repair his family and a smidgen of his public image.  As much as I’ve been disgusted with the media coverage of Tiger’s downfall, the story itself is pretty disgusting as well.

I really don’t know many of the details. And I’m not lying about that. I honestly don’t care. All I know is that Tiger apparently had a lot of women on the side. Whether it’s one woman or a dozen women, Tiger has some serious infidelity issues.

One sponsor (Accenture) has already bailed. Woods is nowhere to be found. And the sport of golf is finding itself in a nightmare situation. Just a few months ago, I wrote a post for Armchair Golf about how the PGA Tour needed to develop a plan for the post-Tiger era. They’ve found themselves in this situation much earlier than I imagined.

While I hardly believe Woods will be gone for long (in fact, I still think he’ll play at Augusta), Tim Finchem and the Tour is going to get another small sample of what life without Tiger will be like. I think it’s going to be ugly. Ratings will suck. He’s a nice guy, but Phil Mickelson can’t carry the PGA Tour.

Regardless, the game goes on. And it is a great game. Golf existed before Tiger, and it will carry on when he’s gone. Granted, on a smaller scale. Tiger Woods is one of the world’s most recognizable figures. And, his personal life aside, what he has brought to the game of golf is immeasurable. He’s changed the game forever.

And, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take a brief spiritual turn here. As the media, the public, and pretty much the entire world throws stones at Tiger, I will just say that the whole situation makes me quite sad for his wife, his kids, his mother–and, yes, even Tiger.

At the foundation of my faith, Christianity, is grace and forgiveness. And while I can’t put myself in the shoes of anyone close to him–none of us can–I will say that I’m not going to sit back and lob bombs at the man while he is down. I’m sure his wife has unleashed hell on him–and deservedly so. More sponsors may drop him–and deservedly so–because image equals money in their world. And the media hasn’t had a field day like this since O.J. Simpson.

A cute little blog post making fun of Tiger would only add to the white noise. I’ll leave that to the tabloids. I think he deserves a second chance at some point, assuming that he actually recognizes the extent of the mistakes he’s made. And I think he does.

Let’s hope Tiger gets his tattered personal life back together and returns to the game soon…for his own sake. In the meantime, let’s hope he receives a little grace and forgiveness along the way.

Related: Tiger Woods: The Blurred Line Between News And Gossip