If you see one of these devices, run!
What is it called?
You’ve seen it: the long skinny rod with the three-pronged or circular attachment on the end. It sticks out of some golfers’ golf bags like an awkward 13-year-old at a middle school dance.
I call this device the “golf ball picker upper,” but it could probably be better known as the “six hour round of golf detector.”
When you see one of these strange machinations in a playing partner’s bag, then you only need to do one thing: run! Run like the wind. Run like Usain Bolt being chased by a cheetah. Run.
The man who owns this device is the Golf Ball Finder Guy—and he has one mission on the golf course: finding golf balls. Whether it’s a beaten up and bruised Titleist Balata, circa 1995, a brand new Pro V1, or a Top Flite XL with the Dingleberry Family Reunion logo on its side, the Golf Ball Finder Guy loves to search for golf balls.
Behind a tree? He’ll find it. Plugged into a muddy bank? He’ll find it. In a yard? He’ll find it. In a groundhog’s hole? He’ll find it. In fact, the only ball the Golf Ball Finder Guy doesn’t care about is the one he is currently playing. He treats every lost golf ball as if he is an archeologist digging for a Mayan relic.
Pace of play? Score? Camaraderie? All of these things are nuisances to the Golf Ball Finder Guy. You’re on the green, waiting. He’s somewhere in the shrubs adjacent to the fairway, giddy about finding the Titleist DT 90 with the AT&T logo.
He will ruin your score, your patience, and your reputation—once everyone at your course or club realizes you were in the group that played a six hour round and had the crazy guy who was always in the woods.
So, next time you see this guy on the first tee—just run. Don’t wait around. Don’t ask questions. Don’t hesitate.
Run and never look back.
Previous Golf Pet Peeves:
#12: The Wannabe Golf Instructor
#8: The Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker
#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt
#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer
March 4, 2010 at 12:26 pm
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March 4, 2010 at 1:20 pm
LOL. That’s my buddy Kevin. I live in S. Florida so we have courses down here that are surrounded by mangroves. The normal person doesn’t venture into these areas at the risk of running into a snake or even worse. An alligator. Not my buddy Kev. Something clicks. His eyes light up and we’ve lost him for the next 5 to 10 minutes. In his defense he does come back with a lot of extra balls which I use for practice. As for me. I like my limbs and I will be staying out of the marshy waters. Great post.
March 4, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Hahaha! I love it! I did a quick blurb about the ball retriever guy on a post a few weeks ago, but you took it to a whole new level! Actually, all these Pet Peeve things are good. Too funny!
March 5, 2010 at 8:09 am
I have never before seen one of those contraptions, but at my first sighting I will flee like I’ve never fled before. Thanks for the forewarning!
March 5, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Nice post BOB, gave me a much needed laugh today!
March 22, 2010 at 9:54 pm
[...] #13: The Golf Ball Finder Guy [...]
March 28, 2010 at 9:06 pm
I like to hit the courses before they open in March after the snow melts. I find 100 balls a day on local courses in my area and I hardly ever look in the water. I find them all in the forests and tall grass. I would never do it while playing though. You should try it!
May 12, 2010 at 10:24 pm
[...] #13: The Golf Ball Finder Guy [...]
June 3, 2010 at 6:32 pm
[...] #13: The Golf Ball Finder Guy [...]