Excuse me while I throw up.

Since hearing about the Tiger Woods situation on Saturday morning, I’ve been reminded why I hate the media. And, no, not because it’s “liberal,” because, the fact is, both CNN (“liberal”) and Fox News (“conservative”) both have something to sell and it usually isn’t objectivity.

The reason I disdain the media is because 50% of media coverage these days is gossip. Whether it’s John and Kate, Tiger Woods, Taylor Swift, Alex Rodriguez–or you name the the latest 15-minute-famer–most television hosts would rather discuss some reality contestant’s one-night-stand more than [insert anything that actually matters here].

Image: scubaeddie32/Flickr

Look, I’m not naive. Tiger Woods is one of the world’s most famous people. He’s an icon. If he allegedly gets in a wreck in his driveway at 2:30 in the morning and passes out in the street with cuts all over his face, then, yes, that’s going to make news.

But somehow, probably with the dawning of the internet age (I’m doing my part), our society has turned news into a voyeuristic obsession to know everything about everyone who is more famous and makes more money than we do.

It’s sad, really.

I’ve done it. Heck, I listened to the radio today while two idiot sports talk hosts speculated for 15 minutes about what Tiger was up to at that hour. We thrive on it. You’ve got to watch National Geographic or the Food Network just to get away from all the gossip nonsense.

Massive websites and companies exist with the sole purpose of finding out who A Rod is sleeping with and where Kanye West ate dinner last night. But we’re buying it, or else they wouldn’t be selling it. And we’ve been eating up this Tiger Woods story.

So let me say this: I don’t care. Tiger Woods is not my president. Tiger Woods is not my pastor. Tiger Woods is not my family member. Tiger Woods is not my friend.

I like Tiger Woods as a golfer. He’s always been one of my favorites, actually. I’ve built him up quite a bit on this blog in the last 18 months. I really like the guy. But I don’t know anything about him. Nothing. Tiger Woods’ personal life is not my business, and Tiger Woods’ personal life in no way affects my job, my marriage, or anything else that matters in my life.

If it turns out that the pedestal couldn’t support Tiger and his lack of judgment, then that’s our fault for placing him on the pedestal in the first place. He’s got issues just like the rest us.

Maybe not the same stuff, and maybe not to the same degree. But we’ve all got baggage, no? Tiger’s just got a lot of money to hide his issues–or, maybe in this case, to put a big fat nationally televised spotlight on them.

As I said, I’m not stupid enough to think this isn’t going to get covered. It is THE Tiger Woods, after all. But the morbid rubbernecking with this story is flat out disgusting. And, the fact is, we know very few facts outside of scumbag gossip websites. But as long as they get the web traffic, they’ll keep on posting.

In sum, don’t give in to the gossip. And if it’s all true–whatever “it” may be–take a deep breath and realize that Tiger Woods is just a dude who is really good at a game. That’s it.

Your neighbor Bob the candlestick maker is probably a much better person than Tiger, or any other athlete, ever dreamed of being. That’s not a slight to Tiger; it’s just reality. Celebrity does not guarantee morality.

***

Several years ago, I had an article published on this exact topic from a Christian angle. But the subject wasn’t Tiger Woods; it was Michael Vick and baseball players on steroids. Read “When Heroes Fall.”

Enjoy the turkey and the football.

This Thanksgiving brings two guarantees for me.

First, I will gorge myself on fried turkey over the next four days, but hopefully not to the point that I undo all of the health benefits from having run in two half marathons in the last two months.

Second, my Georgia Bulldogs will unfortunately get throttled by Georgia Tech in the 2009 version of “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate.” Call me a pessimist, but I’ve never been more certain of anything. This doesn’t happen often, so Tech should enjoy the upperhand this year.

If you’d like to read about golf with a Thanksgiving twist, something I simply don’t have the creative juice for today, then check out ESPN Golf Writer Jason Sobel’s “99 reasons to be thankful.“

See you next week.

Welcome to Game Under Repair’s yearly nugget of news about the LPGA Tour.

Life isn’t so good on the LPGA.

With the economy continuing to suck, corporations are choosing their sponsorships more prudently. Apparently, professional women’s golf isn’t high on the list.

This week, new LPGA Commissioner Marty Evens announced that the LPGA Tour would be cutting back its slate of events in 2010. The 24 scheduled events are three less than the total number in 2009 and mark the least amount of events on the LPGA Tour in 40 years.

Of the 24 events, only 13 will be hosted in the U.S., with the season opening in February in Thailand and Singapore.

If the LPGA wants to drum up more corporate support in the States, then hosting 11 events overseas might not be a good plan. But my guess is that the LPGA is pretty desperate right now, and an official event in Singapore is better than no event at all.

Join me again sometime in November 2010 for my next update on the goings-on of the LPGA Tour.

I’m going to be honest: I’m not a well-traveled golfer.

I’ve played at a lot of nice courses over the years, thanks to high school, college, and summer tournaments. But outside of that, about 95% of the golf courses I’ve played are in my former home state of Georgia. Since moving to Tennessee last March, I’ve probably made it to about 10 courses here. I guess I’m just a creature of habit.

Maybe I’m an optimist, but I see some type of golf vacation in my future. The future could be ten years away, but it’s the future nonetheless.

Pinehurst tops my wish list of golf vacations. (Image: deltaMike/Flickr)

Here’s a few of my vacation targets:

Pinehurst: Is there a better golf destination in the world?  With 8 courses on the resort, a spa and plenty of shopping for the wives, plus a world-class hotel and restaurant, does it get better than this?

Scotland: I’m a Bruce, so Scotland is a no-brainer. Italy and Scotland are the top two countries on our must-visit list, even if I never play golf. That said, it’s hard to pick just one course from Scotland—St. Andrews, Carnoustie, Turnberry. It’s a long list.

Pebble Beach: This one is going to happen one day, maybe sooner rather than later. Maybe I can even work up a second round at Spyglass Hill.

Spain: I’ve read a little about La Manga Las Lomas Village lately. The resort has been named European Golf Resort of the Year several times. With three outstanding championship courses, this is as good as European golf gets.

So those are a few of my wishlist destinations. Any suggestions?

Sometimes, golf etiquette seems so obvious that I wonder how people miss it in the first place.

Such is the case with cell phones on the golf course.

When Cell Phone Guy isn't looking, throw his phone in the lake. (Image: Explosion 5000/Flickr)

In my opinion, cell phones are welcome on the course—with a few seemingly obvious stipulations: only use them in between shots, preferably whilst driving the cart, and never within 100 yards of your fellow player. Yes, 100 yards.

This past summer, I was playing in a tournament at my local course. One of my playing partners answered a call, on the tee box,  as I was stepping up to my shot on a 205 yard par 3.

Not only was his phone on, it was also turned up, it rang three times to the tune of some god awful 80s pop song, he answered the call, and proceeded to talk, rather boisterously, while I attempted to prepare for my shot.

I waited on him for another minute to finish the call. In a tournament. Seriously. This guy wasn’t even a new player; he was a solid golfer. Isn’t this basic golf etiquette 101?

Cell Phone Guy needs to realize this: Most people go to the golf course to get away for a few hours from the distractions and stresses of life. A round of golf is a mini-vacation of sorts. The golf course is a resort, a bastion of peacefulness and solitude, though only temporary.

The last thing in the world we (and by “we” I mean golfers everywhere) want to hear is a playing partner “whispering” on his phone about his girlfriend issues, his crappy stocks, or the milk and bread run his wife wants him to make after the round. Please, spare us.

If  your life is so hectic that you can’t place that cell phone on silent, that you can’t return that call in three minutes when your fellow golfers have already played their shots, then maybe golf isn’t your game, my friend.

Give bocce ball or lawn darts a try. They take much less time and obnoxiously loud phone calls are welcome.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves

#8: The Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

Armchair Golf is currently featuring another edition of my Golf Pet Peeves series.

Go over to Armchair Golf and refresh your memory of The Golf Channel Guy.

Golf Pet Peeve #9 to come here on the blog later this week.

The PGA Tour’s version of the crappy BCS will not be changing in 2010.

Awesome!

I always have  a blast getting out the calculator during the Tour Championship to find out how many decimal points a missed four-foot putt will cost Phil Mickelson.

This is the first time since 2006 that the Tour hasn’t changed the points system. Apparently, the decision-makers didn’t even discuss changing the system at their board meetings this week.

The point system actually worked in 2009, but it still sucks. It’s an uninteresting way to end the season during a time in which the Tour is competing against the NFL and the MLB for viewers.

I’ll say it for the 9,000th time. The Fed Ex Cup needs a match play format.

The first stage of PGA Tour Q School wrapped up last week.

Former world number one David Duval will head back to the final stage of Q School next month. (Image: requiemjp/Flickr)

Ty Tryon was one of the familiar names who advanced on to second stage, which will take place on November 18-21. The final stage of Qualifying School is scheduled for December 2-7 at Bear Lakes Country Club. David Duval is probably the most recognizable name on this year’s list of final stage participants.

In my opinion, Q School is one of the most trying events in professional sports. Guys who somehow manage to work their way through all three stages amaze me. Some top quality players, such as my friend Bryant Odom (whom I profiled last year) never make it through all three stages. It’s just that difficult. And though it’s becoming more and more common for players to earn their way on to the PGA Tour via the Nationwide Tour, Q School should always be a gateway to the Tour, as well.

If you can handle the pressure of Q School, you can handle the pressure of a Tour event. Congratulations  to all the first stage qualifers.

Sunday was the 10^th anniversary of Payne Stewart’s tragic death.

I still remember where I was when I heard about Stewart being on the missing flight. At that time, I was a courier for a law firm in Atlanta, so I traveled all over the ATL delivering packages to courthouses, law firms and such.

One of my favorite driving pastimes was—and still is—listening to sports talk radio. I was listening to Atlanta’s 790 The Zone when Chris Dimino and Nick Cellini broke the news that air control had lost communication with Payne Stewart’s private plane.

Hours later, the world learned that Payne Stewart died in that tragic flight.

In the decade since Payne’s death, many in the golf world have told countless stories of his life. The PGA Tour awards “The Payne Stewart Award” each year to a player who loves golf, life, and gives back to the community like Stewart did. Pinehurst has since unveiled a life-like statue of Stewart’s unforgettable fist pump after sinking the winning putt at the 1999 U.S. Open.

In a sport where golfers drift in and out of the national scene—basking in the spotlight for the duration of one tournament, only to be forgotten about for years—Stewart’s life and legacy still impacts the golf culture a decade after his death.

If only we all would make it our goal to be remembered like Payne Stewart.

First off, I love golf course maintenance workers.

Much like cart guys, these fellows are the unsung heroes of the course. They are up at 5 a.m.—cutting grass, raking bunkers, trimming bushes, and repairing the hardly noticeable moose knuckle-sized divots on your greens.

Golf course maintenance workers are a dedicated bunch.

A rare photo of the much-preferred unobtrusive golf course maintenance worker. (Image: CappiT/Flickr)

But there is a breed of maintenance worker unlike any other. If you’ve played golf for any length of time, you’ve had an experience with the Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Worker. One word describes this man: oblivious.

Usually, you’ll see him puttering down the cart path in the maintenance cart, rapidly approaching as you try to hit your tee shot. Or maybe he’s overagressively raking a bunker as you try to focus on a five-foot putt. Then there’s always the guy who seemingly stalks you for three or four holes, somehow managing to get in your line of sight before every shot.

Things get worse when Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers travel together. One of them is annoying, but a group of them together on one hole can be distracting, at best, and unbearable, at worst.

In each group of Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers, there’s an alpha-male. He’s the guy telling the inappropriate jokes as you line up your putt. He’s also the guy who speeds past you in the fairway as you go through your pre-shot routine. The golf course is his domain, and no golfer will get in his way.

Avoid the alpha-male at all costs.

Sometimes, Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers don’t listen to golfers.

Many years ago, my friend Mike (the same Mike from Chicken Soup for the Soul fame) and I were playing at our home course. After poking our drives on the first hole down the center of the fairway, Mike and I lined up our approaches.

But there was a problem. A group of maintenance workers—soon to be discovered as intrusive—had gathered on the fringe and were digging a hole to work on some irrigation issues.

We waited on them briefly, then gave them a courtesy yell that we were playing up. They waved at us and told us to come through. But they never moved.

I struck my 6 iron well, slightly pulled. And, like a politician runs to a camera, my golf ball barreled through the air directly towards this group of maintenance workers. I yelled “fore!” loudly, frustrated that these guys never moved off the fringe.

My ball struck one of the maintenance workers in the head. He sat down. His head began to bleed. Stitches were later required.

What do you say at this point? They knew we were hitting. We yelled “fore!” They watched us the entire time. But, for some reason, the intrusive maintenance workers never strayed away from the fringe and stood like statues after my boisterous warning.

I never felt to blame for the incident. But, in the weeks to follow, I received quite a few glares from my head-shot victim. He was okay. Eventually, the stitches came off.

So, here’s a fair warning to Intrusive Golf Course Maintenance Workers everywhere: Get out of our way and we won’t hit you in the head with our golf ball.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves

#7: The Drunken Wedding Party

#6: The Distance Exaggerator

#5: The Golf Channel Guy

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer