August 2009


iphone_05This is my final iPhone app post for a while, but this one’s worth it.

The PGA Tour released an iPhone app just in time for the Fed Ex playoffs.  The app looks, well, really cool–with live scoring, LIVE VIDEO, course profiles, video highlights and a lot of other snazzy stuff. And it’s all free! These apps with live video are about as good as it gets. Keep up with all the likely anticlimactic Fed Ex Cup playoff action.

The iPhone is the greatest creation in history. Other than creation itself, of course.

Download the PGA Tour app here.

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I’ve talked a lot on this blog about the awfulness of Charles Barkley’s golf swing.

Well, with props to the Aussie Golfer who posted this earlier in the week, I present to you the worst golf swing ever. This old fella makes Charles Barkley look like Ben Hogan.

Just watching this video makes me hurt. It’s an embarassment to bad golf swings everywhere.

So if you are struggling with your golf game, it’s time to feel better about yourself. In all fairness, though, I think he actually makes solid contact. He probably got a bad case of whiplash, too, but solid contact nonetheless. Enjoy.

ryan mooreWatching the final round of yesterday’s Wyndham Championship, I was struck by two things about eventual winner Ryan Moore:

1) Moore has no sponsors–and that’s his choice. If you have a card on the Tour, you have a sponsor of some sort. But Moore purposefully chose to play the 2009 season without sponsors. His blank shirt and hat is actually quite refreshing in today’s world of corporate-saturated sports.

As one of golf’s most acclaimed amateurs for many years, Moore has given up tens of thousands of dollars by forgoing a sponsor. Yesterday’s win, alone, would have given him quite a supplemental paycheck from a sponsor.

Moore told the Golf Channel, “It’s not that I’m not interested in signing a deal with somebody… but for me, it was just re-identifying myself, who I am as a golfer.” I have no problem with the guys who have sponsors. If I were in their position, I would do the same thing. But Moore is a refreshing break. And I admire him for taking this stand, even if it just turns out to be for a season.

coldplay

Ryan Moore (far left) in his days as Coldplay member. (Image: kavita41/Flickr)

2) Ryan Moore looks like a drummer in a rock band. Living in Nashville, I know Ryan Moore’s look. I see it every day. The guy totally looks like a drummer in a Christian band–maybe even a Coldplay. If Chris Tomlin or downhere ever need a new drummer, I’m sure he’ll look like Ryan Moore.

Moore looks like a dude you would see on a public course. You see the way this guy looks and think, “Oh crap, gotta play behind this dude all day. Wonderful.” Then he pumps one about 325 down the middle.

Ryan Moore doesn’t look like a golfer, but he freaking sure plays like one.

tigertraxThanks to Scott over at Tiger Trax, I got a heads-up on this nifty little iPhone app.

If you’re a big Tiger Woods fan, you will want this application. For just 99 cents, you can follow all of Tiger’s stats real-time, hole-by-hole, and round-by-round.

You can even keep up with his historical progress. One page of the app is dedicated to tracking his progress in breaking Jack Nicklaus’ record of major championship wins.

Sure, this is something you can find on most sports apps that track stats, but Tiger Trax provides it all in one place. Not a bad idea.

Check out Tiger Trax in the App Store.

My golf game reeks worse than a septic tank, a five-month-old stagnant port-a-john, a flaming pile of poo. My golf game sucks!

On the same day in which Y.E. Yang made history, chasing down The Great One to win his first major while becoming the first Asian-born player to capture a major championship, I beat my Titleist around 83 times to finish with a two round score of 164—bad enough to place 10th out of 16 golfers. How does 164 place tenth? Not a strong field, I guess.

ball in rough

Another wonderful lie in the rough. Round two. Eighteenth hole. (Image: Robert Bruce's iPhone)

If you would like to see the details of my destruction at the Music City Golf Association’s Club Championship, visit this site. Eight under (69-67) won the tournament by twelve shots.  Apparently, one guy was a player and the rest of us were pretty much hacks.

I’m certainly not going to be the shot-by-shot recap golfer, but I’ll simply say that, over the last two days, I struck my irons worse than in any other 36-hole period in my entire life. I hit nine greens in regulation over the two rounds of golf. Freaking awful.

Countless bogeys, two double bogeys and a snowman—that pretty much sums up my two days. I carded the snowman on the 14th hole yesterday. After knocking my drive out of bounds twice, I managed to make a nice up-and-down to save quadruple bogey.

The rough at Harpeth Hills is brutal. Miss the fairway by two feet and you are in the crap. It’s not that tall, but it’s extremely thick. I found said rough quite often over the weekend.

Golf is a fickle sport. On this same course, from the same tees, just a week ago, I shot 75. But I’ve never been a great tournament player, and I guess some things never change.

All that said, I’m taking a hiatus from golf. My half-marathon is in 47 days, and it’s been almost impossible to practice for this tournament while training for the half. I’m worn out. Matter of fact, the 83 shots I took yesterday made me more tired than the 8 miles I ran yesterday evening. Running is so simple. Golf is so complicated.

The blog will continue. But my game will not—at least for a couple of months. Who needs an 83 anyway?

Tiger Woods.

Is there really anything else to say?

How do I explain the Golf Channel Guy?

Perhaps there’s a better name for this character—such as “wanna-be”—but I’ll do my best to tell you about this peculiar fellow.

The Golf Channel Guy watches a lot of The Golf Channel. Consequently, he’s picked up the mannerisms, fashion sensibilities, and general external qualities of the professional golfers who often appear on said Golf Channel.

trevor

Trevor Immelman: The idol of Golf Channel Guys everywhere. (Image: Matthwj)

Problem is, the Golf Channel Guy is a mediocre golfer at best. Most of the nation’s reported Golf Channel Guys have handicaps in the 15-18 range. He may look and sound the part, but that topped 7 iron and bladed wedge tell you otherwise.

If you’ve played golf long enough, you can smell the Golf Channel Guy from a mile away. He talks a big game. Braggadocio is his thing. After all, with those pleated khakis and svelte Nike shirt, who wouldn’t believe this guy is a scratch golfer?

The Golf Channel Guy is closely related to The Mulligan Golfer and the as-yet-unexplained—and future pet peeve article—Distance Exaggerator. All three fellows are quite concerned with image upkeep on the golf course.

To help you spot The Golf Channel Guy at your local course, I’ve compiled a list of The Golf Channel Guy’s characteristics.

  • Carries a pro-style bag.
  • Applied for Big Break on multiple occasions.
  • Wears pleated khaki pants on the golf course in August.
  • Reads every putt from six angles.
  • Treats every par as if he just made a birdie.
  • Enjoys reverse sandbagging–in actuality, that 15 is probably a 20. See The Mulligan Golfer.
  • Offers on-course instruction without prompting.
  • During practice swings, he stops mid-swing to check his plane. Though he’s off plane by a foot, he seems pleased.

They try so hard. They try too hard. They are golfers in the midst of an identity crisis. Lord bless the Golf Channel Guys.

Previous Golf Pet Peeves:

#4: Stewart Cink’s Green Shirt

#3: The Mulligan Golfer

#2: The Shot Jinxer

#1: The Shot-By-Shot Recap Golfer

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